Limericks page 2: other pages are...

A vivacious young lady, Madborg
Cried "This channel is just like a morgue!"
So she gossiped away
All night and all day
Till she sounded like Deputy Dawg
MattF, that chess-playing bum
Said "I'm really as smart as they come"
But it wasn't with ease
That he played DVDs
Cuz really MattF is quite dumb
There once was a player named When
Who decided to screw with a hen
But when When tried to walk
It started to squawk:
"Just stay put, boy, and do it again!"
There was a guy called Short
Who wasn't a very good sport
He thought he was god
In fact he's quite odd
And not of the likeable sort
There once was a girl called Madborg
Who often complained she was bored
She got in a fix
Then went off to FICS
And now she plays over the board
Yes, Wolfape tried ChessRally once
And brought back some quirky chess dunce
We were stuck for a week
With some ghetto-mouth geek!
We hope Wolf refrains from such stunts
There once was a girl named MAdBorg
Who had a site called
It was really quite rude
Cuz it showed Maddie nude
Playing twister with Dude in a morgue
There once was a guy called bkelly
Whose socks were exceedingly smelly
He gave them a rinse
But mistook them for mince
And now they're inside his belly
A blitz aficionado called MAd
Ample chocolate one Friday she had
Animal noises she made
Until goodbye she bade
To make sure that she'd cleaned up a tad.
Mirrorman, Mirrorman, on the wall
What makes you think you ain't weird at all?
Babbling away
Drooling all day
Till back to bed at night you crawl
There was a guy called Jack Rudd
Who liked to dance in the mud
He'd block off the drain
And wait for the rain
And thus cause the whole place to flood
There was once a guy called EeEk
Who was, at chess, fairly weak
He studied all day
Whittled the nights away
And has become a bit of a geek
A prolific chess writer called Schiller
Said "This new book of mine is a killer"
The critics declared
"Utter Crap! What a nutter!
We've read better books penned by Godzilla"
A Grandmaster who's known as Nosher
Once bedded a rival's wife. "Gotcha!"
He cold-bloodedly said
As he had her in bed
And then told the world – what a tosser!
There once was a Dane named wot
Who chatted in channels a lot
He flirted so well
The ladies all fell
For his syrupy romantic rot
A man comes on, he's jolly
And never off his trolley
He's a Waste of Time
The Dane of rhyme
And he looks like Buddy Holly!
There once was an admin called logan
Who had a very good slogan
"Swear on sixty seven
And you won't go to heaven
Instead you'll be given a ban"
There was a young man from Loch Ness
Who decided he'd try out at chess
He moved his queen round
Like his game was quite sound
But really, like me, what a mess
There was a young player named Biggie
Who liked the occasional ciggie
But it wasn't the smokes
That made him chokes
But a limerick written by Eddie
There once was an author called Ray
Who wrote a chess book every day
Without stopping for dinner
He grew so much thinner
That one day he just faded away
I've heard of a penguin called Keene
The fattest one you've ever seen
He dines in the Strand
With a plate at each hand
And sixteen in between. How obscene!
There was a chap called BB
A narcissist was he
He always thought he was right
Backed up with his chess might
And had the biggest ego you'll see
There was a young lady called Hunt
Who said "I might just take a punt
At a sac at h7
For mate in 11"
For a girl a remarkable stunt
I heard of a patzer named Hammer
Who said of his wife: "Well, god damn her!"
She got wind of his scorn
And left the next morn
Now all Hammer does is just stammer
There was a kid called Purton
And this one thing is certain
He liked to run his mouth off
At other members he did scoff
So we had to show Purton the curtain
Camellia is our Queen
Though I know not where she's been
She rode off into the night
With a tall black Knight
And a smile ever so serene
What happened to Armenia's cash?
Smalldream hid it in her moustache
They searched through the folds
And combed through the moulds
But gave up because of the trash
That German twat Pille finds favour
In cheap chat, his sleaze never wavers
With his every line
And the Brits' ev'ry whine
There's an urge to shout out "Find Specsavers!"
How should one pronounce "Pille"?
Is it "Peel", "Pile" or "Pilly"?
From what I've heard
It's not the word
He's interested in, it's your willy
Do you know jooklumkungfu?
You'll find him very friendly if you do
He likes chasing the lasses
And emptying glasses
He's from LA and plays chess too
An affected chess GM named Nigel
Was cursed with a rather foul smell
We all called him Nosher
And he liked to sound posher
Now he'll probably sue me for libel
There once was a whiner named Biggie
Who squawked about using his piccie
He spouted pure shite
About Brum and the site
Now everyone knows he's a divvie
Holdem Modest Matt
What a pratt
Even plays poker with a dunce's hat

Matt's the best
(In his head)
Thinks he's funnier than Father Ted
Thinks he's great
But he ain't
Modesty is not his greatest trait
There once was a lad named Hughsie
Who made out with a drunken old floozie
He was desperate as hell
So he didn't mind her smell
Nor her kisses so rancid and boozie
Channel 67 would be much improved, I feel
If it were cleansed of a certain German heel
When he's not in the channel a drivellin
He's off to the admins a snivellin
Our beloved asexual cannibal Pille
Wot you talking bout Arne?
Smalldream belongs on a farm
In the night she would bawl
For you to slop out her stall
But her milk would do you no harm
Cammy, a beaut from the States
In 67 with her mates
Tried 68
Nothing great
Now a 69 she awaits